Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
