i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
