Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
