I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
