I will die if light touches me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Still dying that you shit outside
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
