I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
