It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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