I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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