I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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