Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
