Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
