I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize