no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
