Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
