The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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