No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Found your dick twin last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
