I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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