It's Friday. Sex?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
