i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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