guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
