the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
