If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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