You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
