Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
