I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
