Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
