I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
