i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
