is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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