And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
