Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
