she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize