I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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