Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize