Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
