I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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