I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
