just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
