at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
