Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
