I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
