just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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