would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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