the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
