I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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