stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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