are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize