This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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