Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
