Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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