Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
