WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
