You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize