All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
