Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
sex in a hospital.. check
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
