I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
