I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
