Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
