did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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