He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
