how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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