My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
