Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
