this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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