If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
