dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
