found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
