love makes seman taste better
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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